Jakewobegon
From WikiYourFriends.com
Jakewobegon, or Jake Wobegon, II as he's called by his friends, is an eclectic, refined soul with a rapier wit and a Spongebob Squarepants heart.
Jakewobegon is a man that people love to follow. Due to his intelligence and his ability to make every moment a moment to smile, people flock to his beliefs. Jake has been known to make one statement and tear apart a whole community.
Contents |
[edit] Turn-Ons
My LORD; My wife; My friends; My family; Words of Affirmation; Meaningful Embraces; Sublime moments; Campfires; Train whistles and the clacking of train tracks in the middle of the night; Springtime; Group Hugs; Sunrises; Coffee; Box fans; Desserts baked by his wife; Fog settling into the valley over the river; iTunes Music Store; Microbrews; The smell of a fresh rain; Riverfest; Oktoberfest; Fests of any sort; Snapshots; Tree blossoms; Breakfast at Fayze's; Twins' games; Old attics and musty basements; Tearful reunions; The stillness after a snowstorm has blanketed the earth; Dairy products; Calvin and Hobbes; Ballcaps; The canvas of stars on a clear night; Purring cats that rub up against his leg; The color green; Used Book Stores; Colorado wildflowers; In-N-Out Burger; The way it feels rights before a thunderstorm; The Apple Store; Changing seasons; Giving away his stuff; Non-chain restaurants; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Meekness, Self-Control... ...oh, and nicely dressed men.
[edit] Turn-Offs
Being blamed for the demise of WhiteSeasons; Stupid people; Dominant people; Stupid dominant people; Depression; Lithium; Well-Intentioned People; Criticism, Condemnation, and Complaints.
[edit] Favorite Music
A Northern Chorus; The Album Leaf; The Appleseed Cast; The Arcade Fire; Augie March; Badly Drawn Boy; Bark Psychosis; The Beatles; Beck; The Beta Band; Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; Broken Social Scene; Clogs; Coldplay; Daniel Lanois; Death Cab For Cutie; Dire Straits; DJ Shadow; Do Make Say Think; Doves; The Eagles; Elbow; Engineers; Esmerine; The Flaming Lips; Genesis; Godspeed You! Black Emperor; Hrsta; Ilya; Jimi Hendrix; John Fahey; Johnny Cash; Mazzy Star; Mercury Rev; Mogwai; Nomad Planets; Passengers; Peter Gabriel; Pink Floyd; Porcupine Tree; Radiohead; The Rolling Stones; Rush; Set Fire To Flames;; A Silver Mt Zion; Sleep Station; Sparklehorse; Spiritualized; Starflyer 59; Sufjan Stevens; Talk Talk; Traveling Wilburys; U2; Valley of the Giants; The Verve; Ween; Wilco; Willie Nelson; Yes
[edit] Favorite TV Shows
Battlestar Galactica; Curb Your Enthusiasm; Firefly; Friends; The Venture Bros.
[edit] Favorite Movies
Aliens; Cold Mountain; Frequency; Grindhouse; Indiana Jones; Lord of the Rings; Serenity; Silence of the Lambs; The Sixth Sense; The Thing; This Is Spinal Tap; Tommy Boy; What About Bob?; zombie flicks; 50s sci-fi flicks
[edit] Favorite Reading
The Bible
Stephen King; Tad Williams; Neil Gaiman; George RR Martin; Dan Simmons; David Wellington
[edit] Favorite Games
Apples to Apples; Diplomacy; Guillotine; Lunch Money; Poker; Puerto Rico; Settlers of Catan; Twilight Imperium, 3rd Ed.
[edit] Friends' Quotes
- Adam Joseph: "Jesus saves... the rest of you take damage"
- Alicia Hartung:
- "My mother told me there was an important distinction between sarcasm and facetiousness."
- "The frightening thing is that I'm actually beginning to like that cadaver smell."
- Amy Jo: "snort :D"
- Beth Walls: "...you are one witty bastard, and I love it!!"
- Brendan Scott:
- "I see that Rob isn't dead to you yet. I guess that's a good thing."
- "The Lord of The Rings is a lot more exciting than my mom's diary. Sicko!"
- Eric Nobrega:
- "I'm cute like snoopy."
- "I scratch my mosquito bites til they bleed" (when asked what he did when bored)
- Jake Peloquin:
- "God, be my spleen."
- "LORD, thank you for my wife... and for the wives of other men."
- "Kern! Thank you for your wife!"
- "I feel like I'm about to kick a puppy." (Portion of message sent from France [Jake] to the enemy [Steve-O] right before he stabbed me in 'Diplomacy')
- JJ Johnson:
- "We belly bump."
- "Thanks for the man hands nomination. Dork! Who doesn't love man hands on a girl? oh wait..."
- "I have the ability to kick the crap out of Adam, but I'm not sure I need to be strong to do that."
- "Trust me you don't want to mess with a hungry Joy"
- Joy Blattner:
- "I'm really only sending this to the one who sent it to me since there was no warning at the end of seven years of constipation or the death of my first born if I do not send this email to 50 friends,"
- "Muskegastan or US? because the Muskegastan one is 000-00-0034.... it's a small country." (When asked for her SS#)
- "Trust me you don't want to mess with a hungry Joy"
- Justin McGrath: "Jake is the best ever"
- Kate Ruark: "On my calculations you have LOTS of kids. :)"
- Kelley Broughton: "How did you know I had a thing for walking into poles?"
- Laura Woodfin: "Michelle 'Pie-fer'?... who's that?"
- Mercedes Dauphinais: "I aspire to boredom, really."
- Patty Bindley: *silence*
- Rob Finlay: "You and Sara are my friends. You will remain that way until I make new friends to take your place."
- Sara Kern: "What was that... a goose?"
- Sarah Peloquin: *HONK*
[edit] Pearls Before Swine:
- Death = comedy.
- Hypocrisy = good comedy.
- Drunk monkeys = instant comedy.
- Hopscotch + murder scenes = instant comedy.
- Doomed salmon = instant comedy.
- Kumquats + nuclear war = instant comedy.
- Making fun of French people = instant comedy.
"Scrambled or omelette was the choice.
'I love the taste,' yelled somebody's voice.
'His death was not kind,'
Cried one of the men,
'But I'd shove that egg all over again.'"
- Unknown second verse to Humpty Dumpty
Rat: "I weep for your offspring."
Pig: "You mean...I'll be...Garfunkeled?"
Pig: "... But B.L.T.'s taste so darn good."
Rat: "... So then, which fellow employees do you think I can grope without fear of litigation?"
Waitress: "Can I take your order?"
Rat: "I'll have a hot dog."
Pig: "Me too."
Goat: "Burger, please."
Waitress to Chuckie the non-anthropomorphic sheep: "And how about you on the end?"
Goat: "Oh, he just wants some grass."
Rat: HOLY #$@%!! WE'RE GOING TO JAIL!!!
PIG: I'M TOO PRETTY!! I'M TOO PRETTY!!!
[Stephan Pastis: It's not often that you can get the topics of cannibalism (Pig eating the hot dog), marijuana, and the perils of prison life into one comic strip.]
Rat: "Do you think bad things happen in your life for a reason?"
Pig: "Yes... I'm stupid."
Rat: "Pig says some of your fellow zebras are turning to religion to protect themselves from the lions."
Zebra: "Yeah.... My Cousin Bob even went so far as to get baptized in the watering hole."
Rat: "Did he like it?"
Zebra: "No.... But the crocodiles are more religious than ever."
Depression counselor: "For your assignment tonight, people, I asked each of you to write an anonymous, inspirational message and put it in this hat. What I'd like to do now is read some of those messages to the class....
'Open the key to your heart and let your spirit soar among the butterflies.'
*Class applauds*
'Set your sights on the rainbow and leap into the clouds.'
*Class applauds*
'Life is a journey... savor each and every step.'
*Class applauds*
'Be happy.... You're one day closer to death. Ohhhh, sweet, sweet death.'"
*Class silently stares at Rat*
Rat: "Hey, for all you know, I wrote that @#*% about butterflies."
Rat: "As our means of communication grow, so does my awareness that I have no friends."
[edit] Favorite Quotes
"Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid." - Heinrich Heine
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend." - Henry David Thoreau
"Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes." - Aaron McGruder
"destroy all dreamers w/debt + depression...." - ASMZ
"All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall."
- Roger Waters
[edit] Bible Verses (NASB)
Then the LORD said to Jacob, "Return to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you." - Genesis 31:3
Praise the LORD, all nations;
Laud Him, all peoples!
For His lovingkindness is great toward us,
And the truth of the LORD is everlasting.
Praise the LORD!
- Psalm 117
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. - 1 Peter 5:10
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:34-35
O LORD my God,
I cried to Thee for help, and Thou didst heal me.
O LORD, Thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol;
Thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
Sing praise to the LORD, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing;
Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness;
That my soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever.
- Psalm 30:2-4,11,12
[edit] A Vision From The LORD
I am broken, shattered
Thousands of pieces that could never be put together again
A pile of rubble
Beyond hope of ever being whole
The Infinite LORD takes me piece by piece
And creates a MOSAIC
A picture
An image that brings glory to the LORD
An image built from a thousand, thousand pieces
An image to give HOPE, PEACE, & JOY
To a world that needs it so desperately
God has only begun to shape me
And is far from finished with me
We've only begun to form the picture
To tell the story that will ultimately result in His glory
~Received on 8/9/07
[edit] Observations on Life
- I'm a big Golden Retriever... intelligent, fun, & extremely affectionate. But I do tend to slobber when I get excited.
- I'm an absent-minded obsessive compulsive person which means that while I'm sitting in church freaking out that I forgot to turn off the coffee pot, there's a good chance that I'm right.
- I have a size 13 EEE mouth. I tend to hear the phrase, "Dude, that's not funny," a lot, usually followed by "I/my spouse/my kid has that."
- Even though I'm very heterosexual, it still hurts my feelings that gay men don't find me attractive.
- My main love language is Words of Affirmation.
- My second (but almost equal to the first) love language is Physical Touch. Physical Touch includes, but is not limited to: pats on the back, resting a hand on a shoulder, massages, playful punches & bumps, hugs... and a note about hugs... I LOVE hugs... and none of this sideways hug = cold shoulder crap or this A-Frame tripe... hugs are about complete and total acceptance and are gender neutral... if you are going to hug me, embrace me... and, yes I know that women have breasts... now that we've gotten that out of the way, forget the awkwardness and squeeze me tightly... if hugs aren't your thing, then shake my hand or give me a high-five... I understand that not everyone is into Physical Touch, and I respect that.
- People don't think about you nearly as much as you think they do.
- There's no situation so bad that it can't be made worse by someone complaining about it.
- Facts are cold, hard, emotionless things that were here before you were born and will be here long after you die. Emotions and feelings and the time we spend with others are fleeting and therefore, precious.
- I wish I could invent the "UNSEND" & "UNSEND ALL" buttons & become a billionaire. But if I did, more than likely the idea would be stolen, & some faceless corporation would post higher numbers for the quarter. But, hey, at least I'd still have my buttons.
- I don't believe in Karma, but I do believe in Irony.
- Irony is God's thumb print on the world, is everywhere you look, & is proof that He has a fantastic sense of humor. As Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- It's going to be interesting to see who's still around once the dust has settled.
[edit] Negative Goals
These are NOT to be taken seriously. Sheesh....
- To explore the farthest known reaches of sanity.
- To use the fact that he is an American, white, heterosexual, Christian male in his late 30s to take over the world.
- To increase his authority and decrease his responsibility.
- To be a "Yes Man."
- To start drinking, smoking, and gambling to give himself some character and not appear to be such a "goody-goody."
- To hold out for the highest bidder when putting a price tag on his integrity.
- To try his hardest to not fart in public.
- To assert his dominance in trivial issues.
- To enter into every task with a plan on whom to blame if it goes wrong.
- To run up to complete strangers on the street and hold them in a tight, loving embrace because everyone needs a hug.
- To smile because unhappy people aren't invited to parties.
- To live with reckless abandon knowing that God will get him out of any mess he creates.
- To double-book his schedule so that when the time comes, he can choose to do the thing that seems more enjoyable.
- To mortgage his future for present benefit because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
- To not work to his full potential so that he will not be expected to perform constantly at that level.
- To botch a task asked of him so thoroughly that he may never be asked to do that task again.
- To nod and smile when people talk to him so they won't realize he's thinking about something else entirely.
- To refuse to hold people accountable for their actions...instead, he will file away any transgressions to be used against them later as ammunition if needed.
- To help the Homeland Security effort by pointing and shouting, "Here's a security threat!" every time he sees someone of Arabic descent at the airport.
- To refuse to trust anybody.
- To borrow money from a friend and never pay it back to ensure that he/she remembers him through the years.
- To start planning for how he's going to invest the money he's going to win in the Lottery.
- To fudge his data so it falls in line with his expectations.
- To explain to children that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are all fake, and that if their parents are lying about those things, how else are they deceiving them?
[edit] Known Aliases
- WhiteSeasons Killer
- Jake
- Jamie
- That guy who owes me money